The Highs and Lows

Revisiting My First Novel

            Over the last week I have been, not so quietly, revising my first self-published novel, Cursed. No I will not link to it here because I plan on revamping and releasing it again so there, take that haha. It’s easy to feel like you’re running in place sometimes, especially with creativity. There’s a delicate balance between creation for the sake of creating and working hard to better one’s self! Sometimes it is quite difficult to tell if you’ve done either of those things too much or too little, at least for me.

            I’m proud to say that I’m going to go easy on myself today. I think, particularly in this last year, I have done an excellent job of progressing in both.

Cut Yourself Some Slack!

  

          That’s my biggest tip for anyone working on their own creative stuff. It’s easy to say that it’s not good enough, it’s not interesting enough, no one’s going to read this, blah, blah blah. If you want to read it, I guarantee someone else does too. Better than that, do it for yourself! Be proud of what you’ve done even if you think in a few years you could have done it better.

            The truth is if you don’t think that you’re probably actually running in place and that’s when you should be worried. No one is ever going to be the very best, that’s okay. Just be you and be proud of you! It’s okay to be proud of something you’ve done. It’s okay to believe in yourself. Those are lessons I struggled to learn and I know many others who feel the same way.

            It’s okay to be nice to yourself. I promise. It’s not always easy but it does get easier with time.

Anxiety.

           I haven’t posted about Dungeons and Dragons for awhile and I’m going to give a very vague reason why.

            I’m struggling.

            My group is very large and very animated and the truth is I’m a quiet human being who rarely talks about herself out loud and isn’t one to interrupt. I’m a listener, it’s just who I am and that is entirely okay. However, in D&D with a group of people who are all talkers, there feels like there’s no space for me.

            The last few weekends I have found myself not having very much fun and it’s been a struggle to decipher what is causing it. Is it just my social anxiety? Telling me that I’m not needed, no fun, and shouldn’t talk? If that’s the case I need to challenge that anxiety to defeat it. Or, here’s the confusing part, am I just not having fun and need to find another group?

            I really love Dungeons and Dragons, the gameplay is interesting, the setting is exactly something I am into. I also love the character I’ve created, good ol’ warlock Katya Harbinger. She’s quiet and wants to get the job done. Not so serious that she can’t have a good laugh but also not the type to completely derail the story for no good reason. I’m struggling to decipher which is my anxiety and maybe if this group just isn’t for me. I think 7 might just be too many people for me to juggle, especially when 95% of them are strangers.

            That being said, I think they are all fabulous players, the Dungeon Master is great, and the story is fun. For now I’m going to keep at it and try to decipher which is which but I have made my DM aware of my situation (and hopefully have not annoyed her with it) and will try to sort it out. If anyone has any tips for this sort of situation, I’m open to it.

            Or, ya know, if you have a D&D group that is small, needs a warlock, and likes to be immersed in the story, then hit me up, haha.

Follow Me on Twitter

            Hey, hit me up @AMoxieCillin on twitter! I talk about story nonsense on there all the time. Tonight I’m going to be posting some information about one of my characters and I’m going to try to do that consistently there from now on! I might put a link to it when I post next week, I’ll definitely post the art for certain.

Cursed

           Next week I will be posting the first chapter of my revised version of my novel, Cursed Part One! I’m really excited to share it with you, internet. For now? To work.