Beginning a Journey

 Today is the day where your journey begins! Everyday can be a new journey if you want, honestly. That's not the kind of journey I'm talking about today but still.

Today I begin the long and often scary road of finding a Literary Agent. Granted, I won't be sending off my first query yet, no. I have to write a summary of my book, something I am terrible at. I'm not very good at writing things at a short length and when people ask me what I'm writing about, I, like many others, stutter and struggle to get into a groove to describe my book.

Still, this is a journey that I have been scared to take for many years. In fact, the last few weeks have been the beginning of a very interesting and happy journey that I'm on. Someone once told me to take photos from magazines, photos of people living the kind of life that I want to live. She said to tuck them away in a box and then take it out again in a few years and see if you have made it toward that journey at all. I didn't do it back when she mentioned it- I was scared. Scared of everything.

Anxiety can be so loud!

I won't get into details but for a few months I was in a bad place- more depressed than I had been in years and crippled by anxiety over things far beyond my control. I can't even tell you what it is that woke me up. I remember getting a haircut earlier in the month and seeing myself in the mirror and thinking, wow, that's what I look like now. I don't want to look like that. But that won't change if I don't do anything.

I started exercising. I have asthma so that's not always easy for me but I fought through it and even though I had several asthma attacks, I can proudly say a month later that I haven't had one in two weeks! I started drinking more water. I have more energy than I've had in years. For the past few months I have been reading studies on anxiety and meditating to try and combat my high functioning anxiety. Mind you, this isn't the first time I've done this kind of thing. I've tried so many times to combat my anxiety and have always fallen out of it.

This is the first time in my life where I've felt a dramatic change in not only my physical body but my mental health. So for everyone out there struggling- keep trying. Anxiety doesn't just go away. You learn to cope with it and keep it from destroying you.

I'm sending my query to literary agents. I won't stop until I find one and I'll update my progress here. I'm also starting my journey into martial arts- something I have wanted to do since I was very young. Growing up very poor, I never wanted to burden my mom with another bill so I never bothered to ask or try. Then in my 20s I was way too anxious. It's never too late to try something new.

This blog now will be partially dedicated to my journey of self discovery, awareness, and artistic expression. It has always sort of been that but now it's official. I didn't really know what theme I wanted but I kept posting for consistencies sake. Now I know it's true purpose!

Thank you for joining me through this. Believe in yourself and believe in others. You wouldn't believe how much that matters.

Much love and don't forget to create <3